I’m in Love with Mary Jane

Hey, Ms. Mary J,

I seem to only miss you on days when
the weight of the world overpowers my shoulders,
when stress chooses to show her pretty little head—
because she knows you & I are no longer one,
so she twists fantasies into nightmares.

I only miss you on days when I want to escape,
to forget the now—only to come back later.
I was only ever interested in you
when I needed a break.

I miss your body.
All you ever wanted was for me to—
break you down, roll you up,
lick you from here to there,
then burn you dry.
I miss the way we made love.

I only miss you now
because you kept me calm enough
to silence the voices in my head.
Yet & still, I hear them whisper—
“Where is Mary Jane?”

I only miss you when I feel defeated,
when I am afraid of a challenge.
Addiction has taught me to depend on you
even when I don’t want to.

But I miss you…
like every day.